Just a note to let you know that I am hanging in there! I have to admit that I did not expect this to be such a kick to my gut but the last few days have been like the worst sea-sickness I could ever imagine! Thankfully, every day seems a bit better than the last one so I can only hope that I will be right as rain in the next couple of days.
I was put at a bit of a disadvantage for the first go around as on the 2nd day after my chemo, I had to be up early and out to the hospital across town for a CAT scan. I then had to drink a picture of water mixed with awful tasting (Pernot?) licorice stuff over 1 -2 hours before they took me for the scan. It was all I could do to keep it together but then I had to go to the other side of the city to the other hospital to have nuclear isotopes injected into me and told that I shouldn’t go around my kids or anyone pregnant for 24 hours. They then sent me home for 2 hours (thankfully-as I slept finally) to come back again for the Bone Scan. Results pending but we fully expect them to come back clean. Needless to say, that truly knocked me for six and I was not in good shape for the rest of Thursday and Friday. Why is it that you always feel worse in the dead of night??
I figured I better be truthful on this page otherwise, what’s the point? I have experienced the lows. I wonder how my dear mother ever stomached any of this? I wonder how my lovely, young and vibrant sister-in-law has managed so gracefully?? How is it that so many are so brave when all I can think is ‘how in the hell will I ever go back for round 2?!?’ Except the crucial point that my mom said when I told her I didn’t think I could ever go through what she did and she turned to me and said, ‘Heather, you would and you must do anything to save your life! If they told me today that there was something else that I could do, that might just change my situation, I’d do it!’ I thought about that a lot today—I will go back and go back each time!
As a wise man said to me today (that would be my husband)-I am already winning this battle. If I had been compliant with my previous results and left this ‘cyst’ until next year—I likely would have been in a far more serious situation. Thank God for that guardian angel voice in my head that would not be quiet and propelled me into checking into it all again. If you only knew the odds of me being a ‘squeaky wheel’ you’d know how miraculous that point is! My next step was showing up for the 1st round (anyone say ‘chicken’!) and after that I suppose every time I show up (knowing what lies ahead in the 4-5 days following)—I will be victorious.
All in All, today was a good day—I’ve managed to not take the heavy dose nausea killers (which also knock me out) and spend some time with the kids that didn’t involve me in bed! We read books, cuddled, watched them play outside, Colman and Brendan had a play date at a friend’s house, daddy made cookies with the 2 younger ones and I am finally able to sit in front of the computer to write a bit of a blog. I hope for more tomorrow but I think I will take it as it comes!
I ask you to pray for me, my husband and my children-who are being so good and I am certain that I wouldn’t be able to do any of this without them and without all of the words of prayer, support and encouragement!
Love to you all,