I have graciously accepted the title of the worst blogger in the world! It's not that I don't want to write more often-- truthfully, I don't have that much new to say and/or I don't want to burden or worry anyone with the day to day struggles that are more a part of this journey than I thought they would be. For most who know me, I don't typically do 'negative' so I reserve blogging for the days when I feel a bit more positive and stronger in myself!
So, the GOOD NEWS is: you not ugly (my 6 year old announced this to me a while back) the bad news is: cumulative toxins in your system stink! I have #7 of 8 chemo's in me now--yeah me!! It has been an excruciating week of bone pain thanks to the shot that I have to give myself on day 2 to help my white blood cells and stave off infections. But Egads! The bone pain is truly enlightening! I have found some comfort by offering it entirely up to christ's suffering on the cross-- I find it brings some consolation! Otherwise the next step is morphine which I am trying to avoid for as long as possible!
On a positive note: I stepped out on Thursday morning to give a 2 hour dementia presentation on behalf of our charity DREAM (dementia, research, education, advocacy in motion) to a group in Galway. The reception was so positive and exciting that it was well worth coming out of the sick bed! Reason #1- it was great to actively change people's perception of dementia and give them a more positive and hopeful outlook and reason #2- it was great to not think about cancer for a few hours, to just be 'normal' again:-). It makes me very excited to be nearing the end if this portion of my journey!!!
The story of the gallbladder (which has been very naughty!) is that it has to come out. They are trying to manage it and control the pain with strong antibiotics and pain killers but I am quickly realising that it is one of those distractions to the underlying cancer where the timing of it couldn't be worse! They are debating on when would be safest to remove it and due to the nature of the upcoming breast surgery could set me up for a very long recovery period by throwing another surgery in the midst of the priority surgery.
Regardless, I am hopeful that it will settle now that it is being better managed! (A girl can dream can't she?)
Another positive aspect this week is the beginning of the Lenten season which I personally feel more excited about than the Christmas season! It is a wonderful opportunity to take stock of my life, identify the areas in my life that I would like to improve myself, make real changes and unite myself more closely to my faith in Christ. It's a wonderful opportunity for everybody, regardless of where you are on your faith/doubt journey to pause, reflect, change, unite, embrace, accept, and hopefully to identify yourself as a child of God! I am sorry if this makes my atheist friends uncomfortable but you know well enough that it is my faith that has gotten me through this journey the first time around and is absolutely saving me time and time again in this second round!!!!
Please continue to pray for us friends as we need it! The kids are doing great but I know it is not easy on them and there are times that I see their sadness and worry in their faces, actions and words. And for my dear, sweet, positive Colman--he has been a rock throughout but I know that at times he is worried and frustrated as he feels he can't do more or make the pain go away for me! His positivity and relief that we are nearing the end of this part is palpable!
I love you all and wish you a blessed Lenten season!
Until next time--from the worst blogger ever!!!